A Frank Impression

It has been long since I posted on my own blog. I won't apologize though. My days are spent creating workshops, designing new ways to structure programs, managing grantees, tolerating incompatencies of fiscal managers, and developing more efficient ways to make A communicate with B. Rather industrious for a non-engineer sort.

By days end, I hardly have the time or desire to share my thoughts and concern and frustrations about the world. Rather, I find myself living them (my thoughts and concerns and frustrations) or living through them.....then doing my best to let them pass, finding the dwelling daunting.

But have I forgotten the title of this very blog?

No one wants to hear about how I sent too much money to an organization and now must negotiate getting it back, or how i spent a half hour driving behind a loggin truck on my way to work where I scrubbed the toilet in my office because we have no "cleaning staff, " or how I came home to a dirty house with five percent of my energy reserve left to clean the dishes, then crawled into bed while they sat, still dirty, in the sink.

I give, damn it. I give all day long. I give of myself to my co-workers, my job, my friends, my partner, my family, my house, my neighbors and to the random animals that snoop about the porch of the house. At days end I have a small bit, a tiny crust, to spare for myself. But it is that crust which I depend on for survival, for renewal, for hope that I can give all over again, so much, the next day.

I may sound selfish for not feeling bad that I don't spend more time writing to no-one-in-particular on this blog, but my frank impression is that I don't need to "make up" any more things/people to whom I need to give any more of myself. Cyberspace has enough random crap floating through it.

For those who take the time to venture into my blog, my space, my thoughts.....please come without expectation. Know that my intentions are not isolationistic (if that's even a word). My intentions are to make space for dialogue, as I or others see fit to give. My expectiations are...well...none, frankly. Not for this blog, anyway.

As for my co-workers, my family, my partner, my friends...even the random animal obsessively trying to snuggle up to my toes....my expectations are greater. i just hope they can understand my moments of feeling "spent" and put up with my craziness just a little longer.

As for blogs....I'll come and go as i please, thank you.